I can't believe my last post was back in March! I didn't have anything particular going on except work, but I guess I started to drift any from blogging for a couple of reasons.
I mainly started a blog to record my daily (or in my case, monthly) happenings. Like an online diary. I've always kept some sort of diary since I was little. I think my first diary was at the age of 10. Writing has always come easier for me than speaking. I am not eloquent with the spoken language. I wish I was a great speaker but I'm not. But I think God gave me a gift and love for writing. When I couldn't convey in words what I felt or thought, I would write it down in poetry form or through a story. I would write about my day and how I felt at the moment. Sometimes I'll look through my old diaries and laugh because it's so funny to read back on the tween me and what I worried about.
Now that I'm grown up, I have different stressors and seemingly more things to worry about. I guess I felt like I was complaining a lot or writing about things that didn't matter. Not that my blog is well followed or anything, but there's also the fear of being known about; in a private diary, you can say whatever you want, but an online diary is different. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to write.
But writing is also a sort of therapy for me. It lets me speak when I can't. It's my story for those who will listen. Years from now, it will help me remember a time when I was blessed and be grateful, or when I struggled so that I can learn.
I've recently started my school year and I can already feel the pressure and stress to succeed. While everyone else's lives seem to be full steam ahead, I'm still at the station. My question of "Why, God?" and "When, God?" seem to go unanswered. But I know God is working for my good. He is molding me and changing me. He is patiently guiding me on the path and steering me from harm. Instead of asking why and when, I need to be asking, "What next, God? What do you want me to do next?"
So in the daily grind of life, when stress comes my way, I always think of this verse in Colossians 3:23 that says:
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.
So no matter how you may feel, think that you are working for the Lord. It gives me strength and makes me think twice before complaining.
That being said, life is hard sometimes. I forget constantly how blessed I am. I feel like Dory sometimes because I praise Him one moment and turn around and forget everything I'm thankful for.
I want to write so that I can remember.
Lately I've been reading Paige Givens' blog and it's really motivated me to write again. I don't have to have this wonderful life or exciting events to write a blog. Maybe this will give someone encouragement. Or maybe this is just an encouragement to me. Either way, I want to write again.